The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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