worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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