Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
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can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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