i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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