did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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