He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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