Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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