Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize