i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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