Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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