If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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