i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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