I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize