real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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