she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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