alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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