Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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