Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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