she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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