Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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