Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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