I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize