I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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