sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize