You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You are the jesus of drinking
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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