U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize