My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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