I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
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i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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