don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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