i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
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Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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