I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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