Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
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I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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