That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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