I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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