I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize