I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize