He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize