you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize