hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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