So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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