Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You have to summon your inner elephant
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize