How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
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Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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