How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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