I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize