Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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