You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize