dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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