Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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