i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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