the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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