Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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